How To Save Money – Lease A Pitney Bowes Machine (RANT)

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P.S. If at the end of this post, you are not sure whether or not I am mocking this service, or promoting this service .. please be it known that – YES! I am mocking this service!

My postage needs are simple

During tax time, if clients do not come and personally pick up their income tax information (rare), I will mail out the client copy and other information back to the client. If there is too much of a cost to do this, I will just use my courier to return the items, or if I’m in the neighbourhood, I’ll just drop off all of the stuff myself. That’s from March to June each year. In February 2008, I do mail out enclosure letters with the client’s copy of their T4 Summary and Supplementaries and other related payroll stuff. All in all – if you add up all of the postage that I actually use in one year, and divide it by 12 – I approximate about $10.00 per month (CDN) or $120 per year.

I think that’s pretty good, postage wise. Now, of course my courier costs might be a little higher but that’s not the point of this post. If I’m not mailing out things – I will probably scan something and send via attachment, email or even just fax a document.

I am self-employed and work out of my home which you can consider it as a “Single Office/Home Office” (SOHO) environment, and quite frankly I enjoy the walk to the local Pharmasave where there is a Canada Post Office outlet. This Pharmasave is in a shopping strip mall behind my local bank and local Tim Horton’s and I must say, even if I don’t walk – it’s not an inconvenience to pick up a pack of stamps at the Post Office.

Current Cost of Postage In Canada

* To mail an envelope in Canada from within Canada:

– Regular envelope up to 30g = $0.52 CDN
– Over 30g up to 50g = $0.96 CDN
– Oversized and/or up to 100g = $1.15 CDN
– Oversized between 100g and 200g = $1.92 CDN
– Oversized between 200g and 500g = $2.65 CDN

* To mail an envelope to U.S.A. from within Canada:

– Regular envelope up to 30g = $0.96 CDN
– Over 30g up to 50g = $1.15 CDN
– Oversized and/or up to 100g = $1.92 CDN
– Oversized between 100g and 200g = $3.20 CDN
– Oversized between 200g and 500g = $6.40 CDN

* To mail an envelope International outside Canada/USA from within Canada:

– Regular envelope up to 30g = $1.60 CDN
– Over 30g up to 50g = $2.30 CDN
– Oversized and/or up to 100g = $3.75 CDN
– Oversized between 100g and 200g = $6.40 CDN
– Oversized between 200g and 500g = $12.80 CDN

If you need more (Parcel Post) check out the Canada Post Office website.

So I Received A Phone Call From Pitney Bowes Today

This is how the conversation went – me in italics (and, there might be a little paraphrasing in here!)

[ME] Hello? City Morgue – You Stab ‘Em We Slab ‘Em … (I was expecting a call from my wife)

[THEM] Good Day to you sir. How Would YOU Like To Save Money?

[ME] Hmm.. um, well, everybody wants to save money .. (I said) .. Who are you and What do you want?

[THEM] I am from Pitney Bowes, and I’m here to tell you how you can save money in 2008.

[ME] Will this take long? I’m expecting an important call from Publisher’s Clearing House

[THEM] This won’t take up too much of your time, I promise you!

[ME] That’s Good. Let me speed this up for you. Can I now buy postage online from the internet and with my Paypal account? Because, honestly – if you can’t – I don’t think I would be interested at all.

[THEM] No, we don’t do that. However, you can replenish your account by phone. All you do is just take the phone cord and plug it in the back of the machine, and just dial up what you need and you get postage instantly.

* Basically, it did peak my curiousity, because I really haven’t looked at this type of technology or office equipment since 2001, and again in March/2003 when I went out on my own and began to work out of my home … and I let her do her sales schtick – I mean sales pitch.

Apparently – this is the machine

pitneybowes-mailstation2.jpg

Here’s the deal:

– 2 months free …// okay .. I’m listening //
– $24.99 per month plus taxes … // Hmm sites says $19.99 plus supplies .. okay.. //
– Postage is extra … // D’uh. Naturally. //
– You have to sign up for at least a year after the trial period (total contract 14 months) .. // I.C. //
– I can never own the equipment, but I can always upgrade in future years if I want to … // *g* really? //

Wow! What A Deal! And .. How Do I Save Money Again?

Here’s the think, according to my understanding …

According to Pitney Bowes .. – Canadians who do NOT use Pitney Bowe machines are idiots. In fact, we are so stupid that when we should be placing $1.92 postage on an envelope, we probably put MORE postage, because we guess at how much postage it will cost and put more on the envelope “to be safe” …. or, we just don’t foresee the possibility that we might need more than one 52 cent stamp style in our possession. E.G. 52c x 4 = $2.08 and we would overpay $0.16 per envelope mailed out – if, that was our normal envelope we usually send out and we only carried 52cent stamps.

I admitted that – YES – she was indeed correct, and that most of my envelopes that I send out are either $1.92 or $2.65 but that I stock stamps in nominations of both $0.52 and $0.96 so, all I have to do is use 2 of the 96cent stamps to make the $1.92 requirement. When I need $2.65 postage on an envelope, I use 5 x 52c stamps = $2.60 plus 5 single 1c stamps that I have been collecting, and unable to use ever since they began to raise our postage rates in 2003 at $0.47 to what it is today! And, if that wasn’t good enough and I had no postage – I would walk down the street to the local Canada Post Office and just post the envelope there!

So – if I average $10.00 per month on postage – I would still have to pay that amount regardless if I buy stamps – or, use a postage machine like one from Pitney Bowes.

The only real savings that I see is .. that I save $25/month for 12 months by passing on this wonderful offer. I always place proper postage on every package. The marketing department for Pitney Bowes has to get it in their head that they should be selling a service, or a product .. and the benefit of the cost is their machine. Not because they think we are stupid Canadians putting way too much postage on an envelope~

I mean .. they probably think we Canadians drink a lot of coffee and eat a lot of donuts and enjoy curling!

AND THAT REMINDS ME ..A LITTLE CANADIAN HUMOUR

I think these were forwarded around the ‘net as something Jeff Foxworthy had to say about us Canucks in recent years.

Forget the Rednecks .. ARE YOU A CANADIAN?

YOU ARE CANADIAN IF ….

* If your local Dairy Queen is closed from September through May, You may live in Canada.

* If someone in a Home Depot store Offers you assistance and they don’t work there, You may live in Canada.

* If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time, You may live in Canada.

* If you’ve had a lengthy telephone conversation With someone who dialed a wrong number, You may live in Canada.

* If ‘Vacation’ means going anywhere South of The Border for the weekend, You may live in Canada.

* If you measure distance in kilometers or miles .. not hours, You may live in Canada.

* If you know several people Who have hit a deer more than once, You may live in Canada.

* If you have switched from ‘heat’ to ‘A/C’ In the same day and back again, You may live in Canada.

* If you can drive 90 km/hr through 2 feet of snow During a raging blizzard without flinching, You may live in Canada.

* If you install security lights on your house and garage, But leave both unlocked, You may live in Canada.

* If you carry jumpers in your car And your wife knows how to use them, You may live in Canada.

* If you design your kid’s Halloween costume To fit over a snowsuit, You may live in Canada.

* If the speed limit on the highway is 80 km — You’re going 90 and everybody is passing you, You may live in Canada.

* If driving is better in the winter Because the potholes are filled with snow, You may live in Canada.

* If you know all 4 seasons: Almost winter, winter, still winter, And road construction, You may live in Canada.

* If you have more miles On your snow blower than your car, You may live in Canada.

* If you find 2 degrees ‘a little chilly’, You may live in Canada.

* If you actually understand these jokes, And forward them to all Your Canadian friends & others, You definitely live in Canada.

AND YES I LIKE COFFEE AND DONUTS FROM TIM HORTONS G’ DAMNIT!

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