No .. Seriously! AskSanta.ca
Now Children Everywhere Can Email Santa
And, Not So Seriously … Gratuitous Christmas FWD’s in HART’s Email
* A Joke
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. “In honour of this holy season” Saint Peter said, “You must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.”
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. “It represents a candle,” he said.
“You may pass through the pearly gates,” Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. He shook them and said, “They’re bells.”
Saint Peter said “You may pass through the Pearly Gates.”
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women’s panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, “And just what do those symbolize?”
The man replied, “These are Carols.”
* A Christmas Story (and Santa Is Not Happy)
‘Twas the night before Christmas–Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I’ve busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of ‘Thanks Santa’–what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money–The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the CRA sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes–if that ain’t damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days–they all are the pits
They want the impossible–Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls…Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo’s–No request for them,
They want computers and robots…they think – I’m IBM!
Flying through the air…dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I’m quitting this job there’s just no enjoyment
I’ll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There’s no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I’m going SOUTH for the season
SOURCE: FWD in my email, from out West!~~