P.S. If at the end of this post, you are not sure whether or not I am mocking this service, or promoting this service .. please be it known that – YES! I am mocking this service! My postage needs are simple During tax time, if clients do not come and personally pick up their income tax information (rare), I will mail out the client copy and other information back to the client. If there is too much of a cost to do this, I will just use my courier to return the items, or if I’m in the neighbourhood, [More]
No .. Seriously! AskSanta.ca Now Children Everywhere Can Email Santa click on this image And, Not So Seriously … Gratuitous Christmas FWD’s in HART’s Email
‘Tis The Season … PLEASE! Do not drink and drive. In fact, if you find it difficult to say any of the following words or phrases .. you might be drunk! So .. don’t do it! Don’t drive! Don’t Drive! Give the keys to a sober person!! Take the test – if you are having problems saying any of the following words or phrases .. YOU ARE DRUNK THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK * 1. Innovative * 2. Preliminary * 3. Proliferation * 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK * 1. Specificity [More]
News Releases – Communiqués RCMP ‘D’ Division/GRC Division ‘D’: For Immediate Distribution _______________________________________________ Suspicious Substance Found Regina, SK November 21, 2007 Saskatchewan Roughrider football practice was delayed on Wednesday for nearly two hours at Taylor Field. One of the players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach immediately suspended practice while the RCMP were called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the RCMP determined that the white substance, unknown to the players, was the goal line. Practice [More]
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter. The two most important events in all of history were the invention of beer and the invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer. These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups: 1. Liberals 2. Conservatives Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that [More]
Sometimes … I just like lists .. even though they have been FWD’ed to you a gazillion times since the invention of Email …. however – with tips like #7 – this will keep on being FWD’ed around the world until Y3K 1. If you are choking on an ice cube simply pour a cup of boiling water down your throat. Presto! The blockage will instantly remove itself. 2. Avoid cutting yourself slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop. 3. Avoid arguments with your wife about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink. 4. For [More]
Who Wouldn’t want something that does .. everything? It doesn’t matter anyway .. us CANUCKS can’t get service for these phones anyway .. 🙁 It’s been called the worst kept secret that Rogers Communications would most likely be the provider when it does come to Canada, but latest signs point to at least several months before that happens. Roger’s CFO told the Globe and Mail recently that Apple is concentrating on its U.S. launch, “and when they decide to turn their mind to other markets, we’ll be in line.” In fact, in its current form, the iPhone would only work [More]
For the last departmental picnic, management decided that due to liability issues, we could have alcohol, but only one (1) drink per person. I was fired for ordering the cups.
List found at: Bank Locater My Favorites .. 3. Put tape over the mouse optics 7. Burn popcorn in the microwave 70. Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone 101. Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you Although they were all quite funny and I had a good laugh this morning!
* aka AMUSING PICTURES ADDED 2007-02-20 … Which one do you think is the funniest? Click on each picture for the original size ..
These Ex-Employees had fun on their last day on the job!
10th Place: Positive Proof of Global Warming 9th Place: Latest Grill Accessories 8th Place: Tattoo Of The Year 7th Place: Good Reason To Wear Pajamas To Bed 6th Place: Boy Genius 5th Place: The Ass Family 4th Place: How To Handle A Problem Neighbour 3rd Place: Arkansas Razorback players Clarke Moore, Brett Goode and Casey Dick need to stop hanging out on the sidelines! 2nd Place: This was actually on TV… The commentators Paused and didn’t say a Word… 1st Place: How Was Your Cereal This Morning?
Is a FRILLION more or less than a GAJILLION? Source: Dilbert: November 29, 2006
Rick Mercer Sleeps Over at The Harpers! BTW … Rick Mercer .. is from This Hour Has 22 Minutes fame and currently the Mercer Report … 24 Sussex is home of our Prime Minister of Canada
I saw this twice in one day today … at two different places … Please note that the views expressed here are my own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of my employer. I would add .. since I am self-employed .. to HELL WITH MY EMPLOYER!
call HART crazy … but I Miss The Good ‘Ole Days With The Dialect’izers…
I am currently away from the office, in my absence your emails will be handled as follows: (you’ll have to click it to expand it – to get the full animated effect)
NEW WORDS FOR 2006: Essential vocabulary additions for the workplace(and elsewhere) 1. BLAMESTORMING : Sitting around in a group, discussing why a Deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. 2. SEAGULL MANAGER: A manager, who flies in, makes a lot of noise, craps on everything, and then leaves. 3. ASSMOSIS : The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard. 4. SALMON DAY: The experience of spending an entire day swimming upstream only to get screwed and die in the end. 5. CUBE [More]
I was scanning my bloglines, as I usually do each night .. and found something VERY interesting … I don’t know why Brian turned off his comments on his blog .. so I couldn’t go over there and comment about how amusing I thought this was! Source: Brian Tankersley, CPA, CITP blogs on Technology and Accounting Matters Article: Viral Marketing Hits The Accounting World You know you love them, even if you won’t admit it publically. Elf Bowling. Joe Cartoon. The Jib-Jab video of Kerry and W singing “This Land is Your Land”. Yes, they’re silly, but they are fun. [More]
OH, people can come up with statistics to prove anything. 14% of people know that. Homer Simpson Nothing of interest in this post. I just happened to use the above quote in real life .. I was quite proud of myself!
How come I never had “Easy Questions” like this one … when I was going to University?
A couple of weeks after hearing a sermon on lies and deceit, a man wrote the following letter to the Canada Revenue Agency (CRA): Dear C.R.A. “I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I understated my taxable income, and have enclosed a check for $150. Sincerely, Taxpayer P.S. If I still can’t sleep, I will send the rest
I started a store at “Cafepress” …. URL is …… http://www.cafepress.com/1800HART/ Design #1 Accountant ……. Anyone who can add the same column of figures five times in a row … and come up with five different tax deductions Check it out, if you wish … HART
You Might Taking Accounting too Seriously If … You can’t wait to do your own tax return. You think the GAP store at the mall sells accounting standards. You think the CMA awards on TV relate to accounting (CMA is the Country Music Association). You cheer at the Oscars when they announce the accounting firm in charge of the envelopes. You read film credits to identify the name of the Production Accountant. You double underline your mother’s name when preparing her death notice. You do an NPV calculation when you receive an indecent proposal (Of course this makes perfect sense [More]
(Date and Source Unknown) Top 10 Reasons to Become an Accountant: 10. Audits Happen 9. You’re too sincere to succeed in Marketing 8. You can take your “Stupid Accounting Tricks” with you when you change jobs 7. Pocket protectors are bound to come back in style 6. The sheer sex appeal of it all… 5. Business Administration Majors go to work for their parents 4. Norm Peterson makes a great roll model 3. You can color your conversations with exciting phrases like “alternative minimum tax” and “substantive tests of details.” 2. You have great pick-up lines for parties: “Hey baby, [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 14, 2000: Top Ten Punchlines to Dirty Accountant Jokes: 10. I didn’t notice her 1099s, but she sure had nice W-2s. 9. I’ve never seen someone deplete his reserves twice in one night. 8. Looks like Charles just got Schwab-ed. 7. Now there’s a box I’d like to check. 6. That’s not what I meant when I asked you to liquidate my holdings. 5. I guess she’d never seen such an impressive sustainable growth rate. 4. If I could handle my own extension, I’d never leave the house. 3. Well, would you believe [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for March 28, 2000: Top Ten Dumb Accountant Tax Tips 10. Don’t file a W-2 form unless your name begins with “W.” 9. Answer every question ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?” 8. Hide all money in mattress, on return write “No money hidden in mattress.” 7. If you’ve just eaten, don’t do taxes for at least half an hour. 6. Hire yourself as an employee, fire yourself, sue yourself for discrimination, deduct court costs. 5. Report $1 billion income so IRS will think you’re some sort of big shot. 4. For “charitable contributions,” list $9 [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 9, 1998: Top Ten Accountant Pick-Up Lines: 10. You’ve got a lovely pair of W-2’s. 9. Please, baby, let me withhold you. 8. Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift. 7. In my office, ‘I.R.S.’ stands for “I’m Really Sexy.” 6. If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next? 5. You’re entitled to a $5000 tax break on your municipal bond income…now let’s do it.” 4. Let’s out a 1040 – you’re a 10, and I’m 40. 3. You’re the kind of girl I could take home to [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 10, 1996: Top Ten Signs Your Accountant is Nuts: 10. In several places on your tax forms, he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars.” 9. Tells you to put all your money into British cattle futures. 8. You notice that his “calculator” is just a broken VCR remote. 7. Insists that there’s no such number as four. 6. He laughed at the Bob Dole background check (I’m sorry – that’s a sign he’s hypnotized.) 5. Counts family of squirrels living in your yard as dependents. 4. Advises you to save postage by [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 10, 1995: Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Accountant: 10. You hear him on the phone saying, “Have I ever let you down, Leona?” 9. Instead of IRS, sends your completed tax return to UPS. 8. His “short form” looks suspiciously like a cocktail napkin. 7. He lets you list your imaginary friend as a dependent. 6. Lists every time you laughed at Letterman as “charitable donation.” 5. Used to be some kind of financial big-shot in Orange County. 4. Announced he donated all your assets to O.J.’s defense fund. 3. On [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for March 15, 1994: Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Accountant: 10. Asks you how many monies you made this year. 9. The calculator he’s been adding numbers on is actually a TV remote control. 8. What he calls “tax forms,” most people call “paper hats.” 7. Accompanies you to your audit wearing a giant bunny suit. 6. Takes you aside and whispers, “Between you, me, and the lamppost – a nine’s more or less the same thing as a six, right?” 5. When filling out your form, asks, “What color crayon should I [More]