(Date and Source Unknown) Top 10 Reasons to Become an Accountant: 10. Audits Happen 9. You’re too sincere to succeed in Marketing 8. You can take your “Stupid Accounting Tricks” with you when you change jobs 7. Pocket protectors are bound to come back in style 6. The sheer sex appeal of it all… 5. Business Administration Majors go to work for their parents 4. Norm Peterson makes a great roll model 3. You can color your conversations with exciting phrases like “alternative minimum tax” and “substantive tests of details.” 2. You have great pick-up lines for parties: “Hey baby, [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 14, 2000: Top Ten Punchlines to Dirty Accountant Jokes: 10. I didn’t notice her 1099s, but she sure had nice W-2s. 9. I’ve never seen someone deplete his reserves twice in one night. 8. Looks like Charles just got Schwab-ed. 7. Now there’s a box I’d like to check. 6. That’s not what I meant when I asked you to liquidate my holdings. 5. I guess she’d never seen such an impressive sustainable growth rate. 4. If I could handle my own extension, I’d never leave the house. 3. Well, would you believe [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for March 28, 2000: Top Ten Dumb Accountant Tax Tips 10. Don’t file a W-2 form unless your name begins with “W.” 9. Answer every question ‘Wouldn’t you like to know?” 8. Hide all money in mattress, on return write “No money hidden in mattress.” 7. If you’ve just eaten, don’t do taxes for at least half an hour. 6. Hire yourself as an employee, fire yourself, sue yourself for discrimination, deduct court costs. 5. Report $1 billion income so IRS will think you’re some sort of big shot. 4. For “charitable contributions,” list $9 [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 9, 1998: Top Ten Accountant Pick-Up Lines: 10. You’ve got a lovely pair of W-2’s. 9. Please, baby, let me withhold you. 8. Technically, having sex with me is a charitable gift. 7. In my office, ‘I.R.S.’ stands for “I’m Really Sexy.” 6. If I help you screw Uncle Sam, can I be next? 5. You’re entitled to a $5000 tax break on your municipal bond income…now let’s do it.” 4. Let’s out a 1040 – you’re a 10, and I’m 40. 3. You’re the kind of girl I could take home to [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 10, 1996: Top Ten Signs Your Accountant is Nuts: 10. In several places on your tax forms, he’s written, “Give or take a million dollars.” 9. Tells you to put all your money into British cattle futures. 8. You notice that his “calculator” is just a broken VCR remote. 7. Insists that there’s no such number as four. 6. He laughed at the Bob Dole background check (I’m sorry – that’s a sign he’s hypnotized.) 5. Counts family of squirrels living in your yard as dependents. 4. Advises you to save postage by [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for April 10, 1995: Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Accountant: 10. You hear him on the phone saying, “Have I ever let you down, Leona?” 9. Instead of IRS, sends your completed tax return to UPS. 8. His “short form” looks suspiciously like a cocktail napkin. 7. He lets you list your imaginary friend as a dependent. 6. Lists every time you laughed at Letterman as “charitable donation.” 5. Used to be some kind of financial big-shot in Orange County. 4. Announced he donated all your assets to O.J.’s defense fund. 3. On [More]
David Letterman’s Top Ten List for March 15, 1994: Top Ten Signs You’ve Hired a Bad Accountant: 10. Asks you how many monies you made this year. 9. The calculator he’s been adding numbers on is actually a TV remote control. 8. What he calls “tax forms,” most people call “paper hats.” 7. Accompanies you to your audit wearing a giant bunny suit. 6. Takes you aside and whispers, “Between you, me, and the lamppost – a nine’s more or less the same thing as a six, right?” 5. When filling out your form, asks, “What color crayon should I [More]
15> Order Your British Redcoats Playing Cards! 14> 90% Off Printing Press Plates! Good for All Gutenberg Models! 13> Earn up to 10 pence per fortnight knitting stockings at home! 12> You’ll be mutinous if you don’t check out these hot Tahitian babes on Bountycam! 11> Slice off the pounds with the Antoinette Cake Diet! 10> Ogg, Please Read: Name-Brand Berries for Your Cave Paintings! 9> Pleafe purchafe thefe golf ballf. 8> Ahoy! You’re PREQUALIFIED for 10 pieces of silver from Blackbeard Lending! 7> Augmenteth Thy Codpiece! 6> Can’t start smoking? We can help! 5> Buy Your OWN Island with [More]
Bentley Forums – – – I used the ashtray today. How do I replace it? BMW Forums – – – What ARE these orange lights on the corner of my car for? Lamborghini forum – – – Wind noise around 210MPH. Camaro/Firebird Forums – – – My girl slept with my brother and my wife. How can I kill ’em? btw, I have a record and I ain’t going back. Mustang forums – – – Some punk kid in a Civic tried to race me. Monte Carlo forums – – – Why do I keep getting pulled over, it ain’t [More]
One afternoon a wealthy lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man “Why are you eating grass?” “We don’t have any money for food,” the poor man replied. “We have to eat grass.” Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I’ll feed you” the lawyer said. But sir. I have a wife and two children with me. They are over there, under that tree” “Bring them along,” the lawyer replied. Turning [More]
You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Direct Marketing . You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.” That’s Advertising. You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.” That’s Telemarketing. You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up [More]
1. Ratio of an igloo’s circumference to its diameter? = Eskimo Pi 2. 2000 pounds of Chinese soup? = Won ton 3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash? = 1 microscope 4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement? = 1 bananosecond 5. Weight a TV evangelist carries with God? = 1 billigram 6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour? = Knot furlong 7. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone? = 1 Rod Serling 8. Half of a large intestine? = 1 semicolon 9. 1,000,000 aches? = 1 megahurtz 10. Basic [More]
>>>> Please use your calculator, or /START/PROGRAMS/ACCESSORIES/CALCULATOR)… 1. Key into the calculator the first 3 digits of your phone number (not area code). 2. Multiply by 80 3. Add 1 4. Multiply by 250 5. Add last 4 digits of your phone number 6. Add last 4 digits of your phone number again 7. Subtract 250 8. Lastly, divide by 2 Is this your phone number???
Employment Insurance (EI) Employment Insurance (EI) provides temporary financial assistance for unemployed Canadians while they look for work or upgrade their skills. Canadians who are sick, pregnant or caring for a newborn or adopted child, as well as those who must care for a family member who is seriously ill with a significant risk of death, may also be assisted by Employment Insurance. Being an accountant and working in public practice since 1985 and on my own since 2003, I have had the opportunity to prepare many “Record of Employment” (R.O.E.) forms for my clients over the years. Not every [More]
Finally! Something that really works! Here’s a link from the internet, that will help CLEAN the inside of your monitor. You never know what spyware, viruses and other junk are truly lurking inside your monitor, waiting for something to happen … and this link will definately give the inside of your monitor .. a well-deserved cleaning http://www.legrady.hu/sc.html Take care. HART
Welcome to 1-800-HART… For those new to the blogging world, this will be your “BLOGGING-101” course and an introduction to my website. This is a BLOG entry. While it looks like a normal website, really it is a series of website pages pulled together in one website. If you are familiar with our Tag-Board and other real-time chat programs like Tag-Board, the latest post is always on top. This is different from the Support Forums you might be familiar with, where new posts are usually added to the bottom of the topic. You should be able to see the date [More]
Currently, I have a “gajillion” websites bookmarked in my browser. I also have a “babillion” linked sites throughout my various websites, its free-for-all pages, and other sites that I might get to from originating sites found listed my bookmarks or websites. If you add these two figures together … you get a “manillion” websites to find!! Very tedious and inefficient…. So you should remember this ~IMPORTANT~ formula (which applies to alot of different concepts) .. “When you reach a Manillion … you should consider dealing with it” [Gajillion] + [Babillion] = [Manillion] So this is what I have decided to [More]
July 14, 2005 – I have decided to place my personal Laptop and accessories up for bid on EBAY … It is a good little laptop that I used all the time for my business and for surfing blogs et al. Included is the wireless-G adapter card so you can access the internet. I’m keeping the router! If this is of interest you (and keep in mind there is a timing issue here) – This entry will be deleted when the Ebay page expires in 60 days and is deleted. SEE THE EBAY AUCTION HERE SEE THE PICTURES FOR THE [More]
Usually, while I’m working on a client’s file, there is a good chance you will be missing information. I try to get around this issue, but preparing a general checklist for the client to follow. It’s quite easy to create a checklist on recurring jobs, because you can basically go through last year’s file and make a list of everything that is in there, that your client can provide. I have found it to be true, that if you provide a ‘professional looking’ checklist, your client will make a better attempt to providing you with the information you need. So, [More]
Usually, while I’m working on a client’s file, there might be questions that I need to ask or information that I require to obtain to complete their year end financial statements. You can’t phone your client everytime you have a question because it’s not only inefficient, but gets on their nerves. So, I do stuff like this …. I create a “QUERY FORM” and jot down the questions that I have on the left side, and fax it over to my client. The answers are jotted back on the right side, and then faxed back to my Toll-Free fax line. [More]
Ask away .. as a comment in this blog entry. I will try to provide an opinion, an answer, a recommendation, or just a suggestion. Remember! HART’s mind works in mysterious ways .. someone should take advantage of that Please note: That questions here will be used as a basis of topics in upcoming blog entries. If you prefer a private response, please advise in your comment in advance. Take care. HART 1-800-HART
On my website, I have an online feedback and comment form, where you can request a consultation, quotation, ask questions directly, without getting published on this blog. Feel free to use this online form, or email me directly at: hart@1800HART.com The website is located at: ONLINE FEEDBACK AND COMMENT FORM
SUMMARY OF SERVICE An audit engagement is the highest level of professional involvement, including the application of generally accepted auditing standards in support of each significant financial statement item. Audits are required only in very specific circumstances which usually do not apply to private corporations. An Audit includes examining, on a test basis, evidence supporting the amounts and disclosures in the financial statements. An Audit also includes assessing the accounting principles used and significant estimates made by management, as well as evaluate the overall financial statement presentation. Generally, you need a licensed Accountant to do the Audit, such as a [More]
SUMMARY OF SERVICE We will prepare unaudited annual financial statements, usually in either a bound or unbound format. The financial statements will be formal ‘typed’-looking statements, and contain Notes to the Financial Statements. A REVIEW ENGAGEMENT is a higher level of professional involvement, and there will be significantly more information that will be required, as well as unique informational requirements for your particular business. In a Review Engagement, the objective is to review the financial statements to determine whether they are plausible in the circumstances. Generally, review procedures consist of enquiries of, and discussions with, company personnel and consideration of [More]
SUMMARY OF SERVICE We will prepare unaudited annual financial statements, usually in either a bound or unbound format. The financial statements may be either computerized statements, or formal ‘typed’-looking statements. There will be no Notes to The Financial Statements. A NOTICE TO READER is a ‘Compilation Engagement’. We generally receive information supplied by the client and arrange it to form a financial statement. Our concern is that the information is arithmetically correct, not false or misleading. The Notice to Reader includes a comment that “We have not audited, reviewed or otherwise attempted to verify the accuracy or completeness of such [More]
SUMMARY OF SERVICE We will prepare (without audit) monthly or quarterly computerized financial statements from information provided by you. We will enter from either posting sheets or excel recaps that you provide to us via fax or email. We can enter your income and expense transactions from source documents such as your cheque stubs, deposit books, etc. If you provide recaps or lists, they will be incorporated into the financial statements (inventory, payables, receivables, etc). There may be minor bookkeeping adjustments needed during preparation. We can assist in developing suitable posting sheet or recaps to minimize our time spent, including [More]
The purpose of a financial statement is to enable a business to establish the result of its operations over a period of time and to determine its worth at a specific date. Financial statements are often prepared by business people to assist them in evaluating their financial condition. Sometimes it is necessary to provide specific financial statements at the request of a banker or supplier. Tax returns require a financial statement when a business is involved. Inhouse monthly financial statements can be in any form that is convenient or acceptable to management. When financial statements are provided to outside parties, [More]
SUMMARY OF SERVICE We will prepare (without audit) your annual T1 Income Tax Return from information provided by you. I am registered with Canada Revenue Agency (CRA) as an EFILE PREPARER with certain responsibilities. I am not an agent for CRA, but I can Efile your tax return electronically using Efile Online, or paper-file your tax return. You will receive a summary and “Client Copy” of your final tax return filed. INFORMATION WE REQUIRE If married, both returns should be prepared at the same time Verification of your birthdates Children’s names and birthdates Employment income slips (T4, T4A, T4E, T4PS, [More]
For all new clients, I must request the following for my files: ALL CLIENTS Current Contact Mailing Address Current Phone and Fax numbers (home, work, cell) Current Email address PIPEDA Letter PERSONAL TAX CLIENTS Copy of your last T1 Income Tax Return filed with CCRA Copy of your latest Notice of Assessment from CCRA Engagement Letter CORPORATE & BUSINESS CLIENTS Copy of your last T2 Corporation Tax Return filed with CCRA Copy of your last Notice of Assessment from CCRA Copy of your last published Financial Statements Copy of Incorporation Certificates and Share Structure Engagement Letter Take care. HART 1-800-HART
This is what other people had said about me, over the years,… who am I to argue? The customer is always right 😀 Take care HART 1-800-HART ~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Hartley B. Singer specializes in accounting systems in computerized environments. He has developed comprehensive internal information systems and has worked with hundreds of businesses in a microcomputer environment with a focus on bottom line improvements to the organizations. His experience includes 18 years working in chartered accountancy firms with responsibilities including the preparation of operational management reports, audit work, tax planning and assistance with the set-up, implementation and review of client’s books. [More]
I would describe the “PREPARATION OF TAX RETURNS” to be the preparation and filing of your tax returns, plus the time spent dealing with the government on your behalf to verify, adjust or appeal any information related to your financial information. I can help you with: Canadian Income Tax Preparation Corporation Income Tax Preparation Preparation of Amended Returns and T1-Adjustments Take care. HART 1-800-HART
I would describe the “PREPARATION OF FINANCIAL STATEMENTS” to be more than just the internally prepared monthly computerized statemenst. These are the final Year-End Financial Statements that you would give to your banker, to your debt holders, and what you based your personal or corporate income tax returns upon. I can help you with: Notice to Reader Review Engagement Reports Audit Report (special engagements with other C.A.’s) Review of Financial Information Shareholder and Owner Remuneration Calculations Income Tax Planning Take care. HART 1-800-HART
I would describe “PLANNING AND CONSULTATION” as a necessary function every potential business person should consider, with the assistance of your accountant. Before you embark on a business venture, you should know if your business will be successful. In addition to the planning stages of your business, implementation and monitoring will also be a vital key to your success. I can help you with: Financial Forecasts and Planning Budgets and Cash Flow Projections Break-Even Calculations General Business Consulting Take care. HART 1-800-HART
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